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A Life Without Secrets

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Over the past few years, many well-known Christian leaders have had their secrets exposed. It has bro- ken my heart and moved me to tears. But it has also caused me to double down on my commitment to live a life without secrets.

Early on in ministry, my wife, Jen, and I hit a snag: she didn’t like me anymore. I prayed she would change. But I quickly realized you can’t fix a relational problem by focusing on the other person’s issues.

One night I was alone with the Lord in my study; I knew I was stuck in my relationship with God and Jen. I said to the Lord, “I am ready to change, but I’m not sure where to begin.” I heard the whisper of the Spirit, “There is a book up on the top of that shelf.” I reached up and found Norman Grubb’s book, Continuous Revival.

Norman unpacked 1 John 1:5: “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all . . . if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” Grubb says that the only reason we are not walking in the light with God and others is because of pride. We want to look better than we are. But God opposes the proud; He gives grace to the humble.

If we are really in the light with God, we will be in the light with others. We won’t have any secrets. We won’t hide our sin in secrecy so we can look better than we are. As I came to realize the truth of this passage, I was in a marriage crisis and was struggling with lust. Yet, I sensed the Lord saying to me, “You need to tell Jen.” I protested, “We are already in trouble. If I tell her, it is only going to make things worse.” But God didn’t relent.

Finally, I turned off the light and tried to go to sleep ignoring the Holy Spirit. But I couldn’t sleep. I said, “Jen, are you awake?” She said, “Who could sleep with you tossing and turning like that?!” I told her that I was struggling with lust. She cried. But something shifted inside of me, and that was the day I started breaking free.

We can get comfortable confessing the same sin to God over and over again without ever changing. We get stuck in a loop of sinning and confessing, but we never truly repent. When we choose to walk in the light with others, we feel the pain of our sin. It pierces our hearts and paves the way to victory.

That day I made a decision: I would die with no secrets. There are a handful of people in my life who know everything about me. It is a powerful thing to live without secrets. Light always dispels darkness.

Secrets create devastating consequences in our lives. We are spiritual beings in a spiritual world, and we are always giving away spiritual access. We don’t get to choose if we give away access, we only get to choose to whom we give it. When we pick up the tools of the kingdom of darkness, like secrecy, we give the enemy access to our souls, and we end up in bondage. But there is freedom in the light.

Secrets also create shame, and shame results in an intimacy barrier—a wall between us, God, and others. The enemy beckons us further into the dark. The only way to get free is to obey God and live in the light with Him and others. No secrets.

If you are carrying around secrets in your soul, find someone you can confess to. Don’t wait. The enemy will try to convince you not to do it. But there is no freedom in darkness. There is victory only in the light.

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